The thing I love most about swimming is it gives me time to think. Sometimes I ponder things of great importance and substance, othertimes, not so much. Last night I was thinking....if my life had a soundtrack and ran to the 42 min of a TV episode...what would it be...'and it went a little something like this'
Title sequence - LIfe is a Highway by Rascal Flats : a montage of life's 'sparkly moments', lots of clip shots of us all being happy and laughing. During the slow ballad bit, it would show me getting cross with one of the kids, followed by lots of hugging shots.
Super Woman Moment- This would play while I went about achieving everything that was on my todo list with faultless hair and makeup (and heels), I would then have time to 'go for lunch with the ladies' and we'd sit around looking faultless with our wellbehaved, clean children playing quietly at our feet. We'd throw our heads back and laugh
The drama moment - something big would happen, some trial that would cause me turmoil. I might look up to the sky and question why me, claim it was too much for one person to bear, a burdon too far. Then the music changes and I would begin to realise that there was hope, I would pick myself up and set about overcoming said adversity. There would then be a montage sequence (becuase there always is, and lets face it makes it much more interesting!) and it's hard to solve problems in 42 min without 'the montage'
Romantic moment into closing credits - the kids would be in bed, Dan and I would laugh at all the things that had happened that day, we'd talk over a lovely homemade pudding that had no calories in it and then snuggle on the couch without the telly going on, or one of having to work on the laptop on various lessons, newsletters etc............
______________________YEAH RIGHT ____________________
BUT IN REALITY - it's much more like this.... And the love song at the end...Fat Bottomed Girls - (ok a bit harsh maybe, but to show that 1. I most definately can still laugh at myself and 2. There is always a bit of room for Glee!!!)
If I could have just one song, of something to always keep in mind, to play in the background of my life, then it most definately would be this...
Love you all ladies...and if life had a soundtrack, what would yours be???
Oh my gosh and wasn't it just!!! Mostly in a good way, occationally in a going to slam my head into a wall sort of way. Dan is going to be home this week which is lovely, however he only made it until 10:20 on Day One before I was ready to have words. He really can be worse than having the kids at home, in fact I'm realising where they learn it from!! I dont mind saying this (he's sat next to me as I type) becuase he knows it, and is probably quite proud of the fact. Managed to blitz the kitchen this morning which felt great and it was lovely and clean....then did some batch cooking tonight but didn't have time to clean up before rushing upstairs to do bedtime to get to the pool as they shut to the public at 8pm on Mondays. Decided that exercise was more inportant that having a clean kitchen tonight, and the cleaning fairy didn't do it while it was out. Oh well, it was clean for a few hours, really it was. Next time I'll take a picture so you all believe me!
Loved getting out swimming again tonight but realised that I really need to be doing classes as I just dont have enough internal motivation to push myself out of my comfort zone so have booked up for an Aqua Deep workout for next monday night....looked a little scary.... but thats the point I guess.
Had to laugh today as we were talking to Jayden in the car today, he really is the most random of children. The conversation went something like...
Jayden: But I want to do something special today
Me: We can't always do something special, we have to go and buy some food
Jayden: But we've just had some food
Me: Yes we ate lunch, but we need to go and buy some more food for dinner and for tomorrow...
Jayden: I dont want to eat
Me: Ok you dont have to eat
Jayden: I've had dinner
Me: No, you've had lunch, we'll have dinner later
Jayden: But I dont want to eat lunch
Me to Dan: Every feel like banging your head against a wall?!?
Jayden: I dont do that!
Me: Do what honey?
Jayden: I dont head butt, it's naughty.
Me: Yes honey
And that is actually the condensed version! This conversastion carried on for about 10 min while in the car. He seems to talk in a more stream of conscienceness sort of way than in a conversation. It really is most bizarre and quite funny at times.
So I've been really thinking hard today about where I find inspiration from. Inspiration comes to us from so many places, sometimes it's the slam you in the face, light bulb sort of inspiration, other times its the seep into every fibre of your being before you know it. Today I've been thinking about the latter of the two, in the form of my beautiful daughter. Now dont get me wrong, I find inspiration in all of my children, but amazingly in very different ways (save the boys for another blog day or three, there's lots to say about my boys!!!!). However I do find having a daughter has enlightened me in ways that having boys didn't.
So here are a few of my favourite pictures, I'm going to revel in a proud mummy moment.......
Aaliyah at 2 hours old
My Cheeky Girl
So this Sunday at church during one of our brilliant lessons (we're blessed with such talented teachers) we were talking about priorities, and time and choosing things which are either good, better or best. Fantastic lesson! But it was a comment at the end of the lesson that really hit hard....Someone mentioned the title of Teri Hatchers book 'Try not to eat the burnt toast' about how as wives and mothers we often take 'whats left' ie the burnt bit of toast. I laughed becuase while I would never eat burnt toast (it goes in the bin in our house) I am guilty of the serve myself last, take whats left mentality.
As a mum, I make sure everyone else has enough, then I sort myself out.....but.....what am I teaching my daughter?!?! I dont want my daughter to have to eat burnt toast, or only get to have one roast potato becuase someone else wanted extra, or to get the cold shower becuase she made sure everyone else was sorted first. But this is what I'm teaching her, like it or not, I AM her role model. Luckily I'm not the only one, she will have many in her life, some I'll approve of and I'm sure plenty that I wont! But I'm the first one and hopefully one of the more important :-) So today I'm looking at my daughter for inspiration. Inspiration on how to be a strong woman who sometimes puts herself first, who sometimes does what she wants first, who doesn't make every sacrifice.A woman who can look into the mirror and love herself, a woman who is healthy but not obsessed with weight. I'm going to be that woman, becuase thats what I would want for my daughter, and how can she have that if I dont give her an example to look to.
The good, I've joined the gym this week. I bit the bullet this week and joined the gym. I can't do as much right now, but I've been swimming at at the very least I'm getting out of the house and off my bum! And of course I have colour coded my 'Organised Mum' calendar with the evenings and mornings that I'm able to get to the gym and have a real plan in place. Dont know what excited me more, the fact I'm off my bum and moving, or the colour co-ordinated calendar (those of you know know me well enough will know I'm a bit of a closet Monica with my OCDness).
The bad, Aaliyah has four teeth coming in which has meant 3 hellish nights of very little sleep. Dan and I took shifts on the sofa with her last night, something usually reserved for the newborn days, and bizarely she slept really well on the sofa, us not so much so. I've long been convinced that she likes to know someone else is in the room and sleeps better for it, despite my foghorn like snoring. Which I still have no proof that I actually do, innocent until proven guilty right!
The ugly, frankly my mood. Despite the positive of the gym I think the exhaustion is winning at the moment. Everything is bit to loud, a bit to messy, a bit too emotional, a bit too confrontational, a bit too much of everything I guess. Feeling a bit delicate in myself. It's really been a few days of contrasts for me, lots of ups and downs so just riding the waves at the moment. Rather be in Hawaii, but hey ho.
Let me start by saying I am SO not a morning person! My kids learn from quite an early age to avoid asking me anything important before 10am. I dont know if this might change if I was to start getting full quality nights sleep if things might change....for the moment I have three young kids, sleep and I aren't exactly on good terms lately!
So I'd heard lots of good things about this new type of alarm clock that you can get as an app on your smart phone. You set the time you need to wake by and it monitors your sleep patterns through the night (via your movement) and aims to wake you from the lightest point in your sleep cycle closest to your wake up time. I thought, hey this might help me wake up in a better mood, I'll give it a shot. Mwah hahaha <think evil dominion laugh here> So last night I spent .69p on an app which this morning gave me a graph like this....
What the graph failed to realise was that one peak of movement was me getting out of bed, and the next one was me getting back into bed after settling A, and so and and so on. Then the big peak at 2 was when Dan and I both gave up the will to live and brought her into bed with us (that didn't last long!) So the only two bits which show I was 'deeply asleep' I was actually not even in the bed...........go figure...........stupid app.
Even though I haven't been writing this blog long, I've already benefitted from it so much! It's got me back into writing which I had truly forgotten how much I loved it. It has also forced me to spend a bit more time focussed on myself, which I'm beginning to realise could have been quite a downfall. Now I adore my husband, and my kids, my family as a whole, our collective family needs will always be top of my list. But I'm only really just learning that I dont need to always put my needs at the bottom of the list to prove (not quite sure thats the right word, but it's the best I could come up with for now) that I love my family.
I've been reminissing lots lately on some of the goals and dreams I've had over the years and it's been quite an amusing journey! Some have been laughed at and put back in the vault, while others I've greeted as old friends and have been quite excited to get to know again. It one of these which has actually got me very excited at the moment. It's just a tiny seed of an idea at the moment which I'm going to nurture quite close to my heart for a while until I feel a bit safer in my ability to nurture both the idea and have the strength to put something of mine out there in the world. Plus put in the time it deserves to make it what I think it can be. Quite cryptic I know, I dont mean to be, so watch this space and I will let you in soon, I promise.
So in recent years, I've discovered that I love love love to bake!!! And I think I'm getting pretty good at it, but I am very much an emotional baker! Baked good solve all manner of ills. I kind of liken myself to Izzy on Greys Anatomy...except lets face it, no one who loves to bake looks like 'her'!!! And i'm not a surgeon, nor am I as nuerotic as she is...so no real likeness then....oh well, good show none the less...
Pus my kitchen never looks that clean and organised after a baking session, and who has ever baked anything and still had a clean apron! Seriously?!?!?! So I really dont want to give up baking, but I just can't keep the results of my labour in the house...because as much as I love to bake, I love to eat it too! Flapjacks being one of my big weaknesses and also one of my favourite things to make. So I think I've come up with a two pronged attack plan, gosh I sound like i'm going into battle, guess in a way I am!!
Dan and I have both been taking a serious look at our commitmenets and lifestyle and how best to move forward and support one another. And we've decided that if we give up on our precious takeaway that we love so much, we can both afford a membership at our local leisure centre. We've looked at when our usual commitments fall in the week and worked out a way for us both to get to the gym three times a week. I got really excited becuase I could make a colour coded chart of when we get gym time in the week etc (gosh me and my lists and colour co-ordinating, maybe I am slighly nuerotic!) and second, I'm only going to allow myself to bake if it's for someone else. So there it is out there now! I'm quite excited, I want to get started right away but slightly restricted by my back and waiting for a physio referal but should be able to get some swimming in before then I should think.
It's a late post today, for a number of reasons. I might have possibly fallen asleep for a very short time this morning while Aaliyah had her sleep (when I usually write) and then the rest of the day had passed without even opening the laptop! I can't even be sneaky and get away with this little secret becuase my husband let slip today that he reads my blog! If he'd been clever he'd have kept quiet ;-) now I'll have to be careful. My excuse for this little sleep was due to a lovely cuddle Aaliyah gave me last night. And it was lovely, she stroked my face and sang to me, every time I started to fall asleep during this lovely 2 HOUR cuddle session she would poke me in the eye as if to say 'no mummy pay me attention!' What a kind and affectionate daughter I have!
But my inspiration for today has come from many places, in many forms, with one thing in common, you. A text, an email, a facebook comment from wonderful, inspirational ladies I am grateful to have in my life. Some of you I know more than others, but I appreciate you all. I started writing this blog initially just to get writing every day, to practice a long lost skill....but what to write about...the magical 'they' say you should always write about what you know, and thats what I'm attempting to do. I know yesterdays post seemed to be a bit down, but I felt I needed to put it out there, to own those feelings which are a part of me. We are all amazing though aren't we, and we dont give ourselves enough credit at all.
I look out amoungst the faces and I see amazing strength in the collective mass of ladies I have had the pleasure of knowing at points during my life. Things you have overcome, challenges you have faced with grace, just the way we all keep enduring all that life thows at us. And yes I include myself in that group. We are all pretty amazing. So thank you, each and every one of you, for being amazing women, for being real women, for being strong, for showing weakness, for overcoming much, for asking for help, for accepting help, for loving one another, for showing compassion, Thank you for being inspirational x
Mushiness over, Aaliyahs just started crying AGAIN, and me thinks i'm in for a long night....Been sat watching OneBorn Every Minute while typing this, usually makes me feel very broody,not tonight, I just want to scream at them that they will NEVER sleep well again ;-)
Final edit before I post: It is going to take every ounce of strength not to delete this entire post...I just picked my eldest up from school who was hoping his dad would be picking him up, he said he prefered when his dad picked him up as he sometime ran with him, not like me who was big and fat...I have cried the whole way home.I dont write this for sympathy, i write this as a reminder to myself. As a motivator, my son meant no malace in what he said, but his honesty is still devestating....
So I dont know right now how this post will turn out, how honest I can actually be and how many times I will rewrite it...so bear with me. I think two things are obvious, first, I've already had a fairly long struggle with my weight and second, that there is still a fairly long struggle ahead...
I have mastered the art of looking in the mirror without actually seeing myself. Huh? I can look just enough to do my hair, or occationally put on mascara, but I never actually look, and never for longer that is totally neccessary. I'm terrified that the black hole that I so skillfully keep at bay would over come me in that extra moment looking in the mirror. The black hole of admitting how unhappy and unconfident I am with the way I look. With how dissapointed I am in myself for letting it get too far. The fear that I am setting a bad example for my children. The dread that my husband looks at me in a different way than when we met. And worst of them all that I wont be able to make the changes that I know I need to...
I wont bore you with the story of how I got here , there are so many of us who have our own stories, mine involved thyroid surgery, three children and comfort eating. I was going to post pictures of me before, but lets face it, I'm never going to get back to that 20something person or weight, I dont want to set unrealistic goals. I want to be healthy, I want to be someone my kids look at and respect, and yes, I want to weigh less too. I dont think I'll be able to admit my actual weight on here, for some reason that feels more personal than saying how much I have to loose. So I still need to loose somewhere between 4 - 5 st, I'm not sure what I'll be able to realistically maintain so I'll have to see when I get closer. Here is me at my heaviest, three months after my third was born, on one hand great memories, but i do cringe every time I look at the pictures of me.
So Dan was away last night and I hate being alone in the house, ok not alone, there are three kids, but you know what I mean. The sort of have to turn off the lights and run upstairs becuase there is no one to come upstairs after me and do it. But this particular situation does have some pretty serious silver linings.
1. I can starfish on the bed and have the whole duvet to myself 2. I can watch whatever I want on telly 3. I can take some painkillers when I go to bed without being moaned at for snoring (for some reason i'm even more of a foghorn when I've had to take painkillers)
So my night starts out well...I settle down to watch Call in the Midwives and enjoy a hot chocolate wrapped in my blanket. I go up to bed (ninja style past open doors) at about 8:45 ready to blissfully enjoy my early night in my bed to myself. My back isn't hurting becuse I took some medicine and all is good in the world.
And then they start...somehow their pshycic connection kicks in and they just know that mummy is alone and enjoying sleeping far too much..
10pm A wakes, I ignore until her cry grows to banchee style scream that even I can't sleep through. Go in and settle her....creap back into my room, just get comfy and wrap my duvet round me and it's T who has run out of water...sort that out, back into bed by 10:40...asleep soon enough
11:10 J wakes with restless legs, get up, rub cream into legs, settle him...crawl back into bed, get comfy, A wakes with an almighty scream, off to settle her, fall asleep in rocker with A
11:40 wake up in rocker, put A back into bed, crawl into my bed, fall asleep
12:30 T wakes up with nightmare, go in to settle him and reasure him, back into bed, wrap duvet back around me....about to fall asleep and A wakes again, back into her and fall asleep in rocker again
1:45 wake up in rocker and put A back into bed and creap back to bed
2am T wakes with nightmare again, go in to settle, offer reasurance (mumbled 'can't hurt you, it's a dream, good night, love you) back to bed.
6am T & J wake for the day and I drag them into bed with me and bribe them to be quiet for 30 more min while mummy gets a bit more sleep....they last 5 min.....Yawn
So here I was thinking I was trying to raise Valiant Spiritual Warriors when in actual fact they're becoming Masterful Criminals skilled in the arts of torture and sleep deprevation. Who knew! But at least they get an A+ in something....right?!?!?!?!?!
Let me start out by saying this blog is mostly about getting me writing daily again. How can I claim to be something if I dont 'do' it on a regular basis. So I set out the daily models to at least start me off with topics (ie Weight Loss Wed, Food Fri etc) but I also have all these thoughts thoughout the day, random, small ponderings. They seem quite important at the time sometimes, but I have a terrible memory and sometimes they've dissapeared into the ether of my mind within a matter of hours, and I miss them becuase for a moment they felt like an important part of me. So I'm going to start including them here as my pointless ponderings in the hope that I can keep hold of them longer.
Today I was thinking about whether my life has changed since joining the church and in all honestly, not really. Some of you might find it strange to hear me say that, but if you ask the more specific question, has my perception changed? Most definately! But God hasn't changed, he is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow, eternity...so if he hasn't changed, if he has always loved me and known me then what has changed? I guess in one sense my gratitude towards him, my acknowledgement of his plan and love rather than 'coincidence'
My life still stinks sometimes as it did before. Sometimes even more! At the moment the transport area of my life stinks so much you'd think something crawled up there and died, well in fact, it did. Our car. The car that we bought 18 months ago that was supposed to be a great car replacing the old money pit of a stinker. Which turned about to be another money pit of a stinker on grander proportions. Bigger does not always = better sometimes it just means bigger bills! So I got a call from our mechanic today who, for the last three weeks, has been trying to find if there was a way to bypass or cheaply fix our car so we can at least trade it in to a dealer for some shred of what its worth. He reported that after giving false hope of running for 20 min it sputtered, belched, and bellowed out smoke before dying a undignified death. Meaning our only option now is to arrange trainsport to scrap yard and hope we get some spare change out of it.
Devestating (ok devestating might be slightly too strong a word but indulge me) yes, but do you know what my first thought was, thank goodness we dont have to worry about making the right decision anymore, it's made for us. Now lets move on. I'd been so worried and paralysed by fear of making a wrong decision about the car that although this has hit us hard financially,it's removed a load of stress that I didn't need and now I can move forward.
Silver lining baby! No my life hasn't changed since joining the church, but I can find a silver lining in anything these days. I know I will not be given a burden without also being given the tools I need to deal with it. Ok, I loved the big old beast, it was an ideal car for what we needed (if it wasn't dead) but it's not to be and so now I'll move on. A little dissapointed, a little frustrated, a little bit poorer for now but gratefull of the new perspective I have in life.
I saw a poster once that said "I'm too blessed to be stressed" and I would LOVE to claim thats how I live my life...I guess I can say what I like as I dont think anyone actually reads this but the truth would be much closer to "Stressed is just Desserts spelled backwards!" hense the need for a Weight Loss Wednesday post!! Mondays are my big chore day, a day of high hopes, of good intentions, sometimes the effort falls a little short. Today's going to be a tough one with a bad back so might just have to get the essentials done today and call it a successful day, we'll see.
Dan is also off to work the week in Wales (although if all goes well...please! he might be home as early as Wed) so I enter the dreaded zone of single mummydom. I hate these weeks, I really really do. I have no big or real reason, they dont even happen as often as they used to, but I really dred them. And so far today Jayden (Monday is the only day he doesn't spend any time at pre-school) has said "I'm hungry" 11 times. I kid you not! It's only 10:15.
And for the week ahead...
The weather
Today is COLD, you might not agree with me, but I really feel the cold. I dont mind it but I feel a bit ill equiped to deal with it this year, I think i need to stock up on some more layers. I'm starting to sorely miss having a good coat!
On my reading pile
Still trying to get though the new Patricia Cornwall novel, I'm wondering if it's because it's an actual paperback and i've been so used to reading on my kindle app on the Iphone... Next book for book club is Letter to my Daughter by Maya Angelou so REALLY looking forward to starting that.
On my TV
Have been watching both the US and UK version of Biggest Loser. Finding it hard watching at the moment with so much to loose myself (more on that on Wed if I'm feeling brave and honest).
On the menu for this week
Hate meal planning when Dan is working away! I've got an Orange Chicken in the freezer which I'll probably use up but I quite fancy jacket potatos one night and probably a throw together store cupboard pasta based dish as well.
On my to do list
Exciting one today, order an Organised Mum calendar, thier sale is on I love their products. I've had a life book, and the other calendar, but with us all starting to have seperate commitments I like that this one allows us to each have a column and make sure there are no conflicts!
What I am sewing, crocheting, knitting or creating
I've got the slippers on my hook at the moment but they're going slower than i'd hoped, working with dark wool is hard work on my eyes so i have to take more breaks.
From the camera
I've got nothing, really need to work on this area
Something fun to share
My confidence is at a bit of an all time low at the moment so wardrobe choices are all 'safe' ones...but I'm not usually one to go for the 'expected' or 'normal' selection.....I'm in the middle of both pictures....
On my prayer list
A family who I dont know, but are from my Mum's church. Just feel that they might need some blessings and a reminder of how much God knows and loves them.
Bible verse, Inspirational quote
"When our life here is ended and we return home, we will find credited to us there every good act we have performed, every kindness we have done, every effort we have put forth to benefit our fellows..."
~Taken from 'Teachings of Presidents of the Church: George Albert Smith - Chapter 2 - Love Thy Neighbour'
Friday, 13 January 2012
So today's topic is very appropriate after last nights epic Slow Cooker fail!!! So far all of my slow cooker meals have been edible or at least I've been able to remedy on the fly. But last nights was just beyond all of that! It just didn't taste nice, and if I couldn't even bring myself to eat it then there was no way I could serve it.
Whats more frustrating was it was the one I was most looking forward to trying and it smelled lovely while cooking. The silver lining though is I do strongly believe we have more opportunity to learn and move forward from our failures that our successes....so my mission today is to find another recipie to replace that one...hopefully be back to finish this in a bit....
.....on an a seperate note, my eldest lost his second tooth (two in one week)!
Now it feels quite bittersweet as my baby (who is actually turning ONE next month, where did the time go?) only has those two front bottom teeth, and now my big grown up first born has lost them. He's so proud of himself! The irony was not lost on me though and had a bit of a wobbly 'my babies are growing up' moment this morning.
...ok back to the task at hand...harder than I thought it would be this morning. All I wanted was to find a recipe that I really fancied cooking, but alas it was fairly elusive. Maybe i'm not hungry enough to find a recipe i fancy for dinner, who knows. Best I could find was this one:
I recieved an email from a friend this morning which had some quotes from someone who I've long since held in the utmost admiration but hadn't thought about for a long time. Her words reinspired me and I went and found this interview on You Tube. This is only the first section, I'm going to watch the next sections over the following days to savour her wise words. This woman is intelligent, she is strong and she is proud, but also humble, honest and true in just about perfect measure. I am speaking of Maya Angelou.
This was the quote from the email I had:
Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting...'
Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day.....like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!
Maya Angelou said this:
'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'
'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'
'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'
'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'
'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'
'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back...'
'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'
'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'
'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'
'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn..'
'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'
Wow...powerful, I was going to bold the ones which really touched me....then realised I bolded the whole quote! What an amazine and wise woman
Well that has been on my mind quite alot lately...You often see posts on facebook along the lines of 'like this and i'll use three words that describe you' etc ad infinitum.... does anyone else think how limiting this is? So last night while trying to get Aaliyah back to sleep at 3am I was giving it some thought (i do my best thinking in her rocking chair! to bad I forget most of it by morning!)
I'm a pretty visual learner so I thought, hey I know I'll make a chart! A pie chart of who I am....way harder than I thought, becasue at any given point in time I'm not just one thing. It's much more like an oinion (although sweeter smelling I hope) in that I am usually wearing multiple hats and playing various roles at once.
So the black spot is the mythical 'me' that I started out looking for...buried quite deep down at the moment are the musician, the writer and the photographer, a big part of my life at the moment is my role as Relief Society 2nd Councellor, Wife and Homemaker, and of course mum (Still a pretty simplified version, but it gave me a start). But what I learned is that I am all of that, at any one time the black dot will float around in that circle and I'm always me....there are times when I am knee deep entrenched in being mum with three ill children and no time for anything else, other times (albeit fewer at the moment) i have the luxury to be more creative.
I am not a collection of words, I am not one person that fits in a tick box, I cannot easily be defined, I am the sum of my achievements, the result of my actions. And more importantly, even when I feel I dont know myself, my loving Father in Heaven does, and I can always turn to him for guidance.
I love being a mum, but there are times when life is so busy and chaotic that I do forget who I was before I was a mum and the things I loved to do. I am determined to rediscover some old loves and passions in a new way to incorporate them into my current life and maybe even find a few new ones on the way.
The weather
It was bizarely mild today, I think our weather is suffering from a personality dissorder at the moment! Dont know how many layers to put on from one day to the next!
On my reading pile
Next week is Book Club Week, really enjoyed the book which was Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster. It's written as a series of letters to an 'unknown' benefactor, can't believe I hadn't heard of it before now but totally fell in love with this book. Trying to get though a new Patricia Cornwall novel, but struggling to get into it. Used to be a favourite author of mine, but not sure it's going to captivate me this time.
On my TV
Just started watching the new series of Top Chef which I always enjoy. Always hate Jan/Feb time as so many of the shows I enjoy are on a mid season break, hopefully will give me more craft / blog time though...
On the menu for this week
Quite a few new items this week...Sun - a lovely roast cooked by my mum, Mon - Moroccon Lamb, Tues - Pasta and Meatballs, Wed - Slow Cooker Cranberry Chicken, Thurs - Sausage and Bacon Casserole, Fri - hmmmmmmmm....
On my to do list
Keep sorting the house!!! It's grueling, it's never ending, but I will conquer it...eventually...i hope...no i will...even if it kills me....which it might.
What I am sewing, crocheting, knitting or creating
I need to start a pair of slippers for a friend, hope to get those on the hooks tonight after posting this blog.
From the camera
Something fun to share
I used to love writing and have had a poem published. I used to think I was quite a funny writer but have lost the craft through inactivity. I intend to remedy this and would love to rediscover this passion, it may be a fairly long and painful journey for anyone reading along though!
On my prayer list
A close friend who recently lost her mum, our car which is very poorly (can you have inanimate objects on a prayer list???) my eldest who is really struggling within himself at the moment.
Bible verse, Inspirational quote
Keep Calm and Stay Positive - I need reminding of this a lot at the moment. There's always something to be positive about, no one likes a moaner! But by gosh life, you like to dish it out.
